It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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