I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
