so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
