good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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