that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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