The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize