I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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