this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
