She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
