i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
