Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
