someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
