Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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