How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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