you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
