the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
