is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
