If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
