I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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