I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
