Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
