if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
