Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
