i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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