he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
