Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will pee on everything he values.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
