I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
