Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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