i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
