i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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