so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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