I hate your face
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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