we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Green mimosas i think yes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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