I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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