I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
