i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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