I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
