Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize