dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
