just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
