drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
