you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
