even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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