i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
