about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
