Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
