STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
