He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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