You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
