the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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