if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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