i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
