Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
