I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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