i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
