You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
