I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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