i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
