yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
