I think I died a long time ago.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
