God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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