i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize