I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
