my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
