i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She announced her abortion via fbk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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