after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
