Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
