i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
