There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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