remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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