Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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