My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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