hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
