dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
