don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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